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Read "The Introvert Advantage How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World" by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D. available from Rakuten Kobo. Covering relationships, parenting—including parenting the introverted child—socializing, and the workplace, here are coping strategies, tactics for managing energy, and hundreds of valuable tips for not only surviving but truly thriving in an extrovert world. Marti Olsen Laney. Download The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D. Ebook + Audio Book.


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To download The Introvert Advantage How to Thrive in an Extrovert World the web link below and save the ebook or have access to additional information that . The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney. Read online, or download in secure PDF or secure EPUB. Read The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney for free with a 30 day free trial. Download the free Scribd mobile app to read anytime, anywhere. Publisher: Workman eBooksReleased: Feb 1, ISBN: Format: book.

Also available as: Not in United States? Choose your country's store to see books available for purchase. See if you have enough points for this item. Sign in. Are you energized by spending time alone? In meetings, do you need to be asked for your opinions and ideas?

Laney's book is a perfect example of this dichotomy in action. Before I continue, I should mention that in every personality test I have taken, I have come up a strong introvert. Anyway, in Ms. Laney's book I read many things about myself that were eerily accurate, and that I didn't know were even connected to my personality type. For example, I really dislike being interrupted when I'm thinking about something.

I had no idea that this was connected to introversion at all, I just thought it was a quirk of my personality. Yet, Ms. Laney points out that a lot of introverts feel this way. Other reviewers have mentioned the wealth of "a-ha" moments like this present in the book. Having said that, there are several other facets of Ms. Laney's descriptions of introverts that I was the exact opposite of.

Some of them are very slight, but others are more important. For example, Ms. Laney bases her whole explanation of introverts around the idea that introverts draw energy from within, and that external stimulation, whether it be conversation with friends or the infamous "smoky Las Vegas casino," drains this energy and causes introverts to, eventually, reach a kind of crisis point where they have to recharge immediately.

In my own experience, this is fundamentally untrue. I love smoky Las Vegas casinos, with all their noise and action, and as long as I like the people I'm talking to, I would prefer to stay up and talk to them all night. And when I have stayed up and talked to people all night, I do not find myself drained the next day, but rather refreshed albeit very hungover. Even the idea that I draw energy from within is fundamentally incorrect.

Long before I read this book, I spent a considerable amount of time thinking about what inspires and recharges me. My realization about this was that I am inspired by conversation with people I like, and by good art, whether it be books or movies or music or paintings or whatever. All of these things, you will notice, are external to me, not internal.

Furthermore, the more extreme the impression the external thing makes upon me, the more the art or the conversation intrudes into my internal world, the more I like it. So, in reading this book, I was constantly confused by what advice or understanding I could take from it. Everything in it was true, except the things that were false.

And some of the false things were fundamental to the entire theory being argued. Because of this, it was impossible to believe the argument of the book as a whole, or to take seriously most of the advice given in it. Speaking of advice, I want to give some to anyone who is considering following the advice Ms.

Laney gives regarding human interaction: Or at least, consider it carefully before you put it into action. I don't know what it is about therapists, but in every book I've read they appear to be hopelessly naive about human interactions.

Asking other people to make allowances for you doesn't actually help you all get along better, it just annoys the hell out of the other people. I also don't think that, in general, Mickey Mouse watches or pencils with silly erasers are good conversation starters; to me they just come off as kind of dorky pleas for attention. And by all means don't tell your introvert children to do the things she advises unless you actually want them to be social pariahs. If you can't already tell, I thought the advice given by Ms.

Laney was extremely annoying. So much so, in fact, that I was forced to throw the book across the room several times while reading. I don't know if it's our culture or what, but everyone seems to want to encourage everyone else to be so, well, weak. Yes, it's true that introverts are sometimes uncomfortable in situations that are pleasant for other people. But despite Ms. Laney's claim that introverts are just as good as everyone else, the impression one gets from her description is that introverts are these lily-livered people who skulk around in fear all the time, having to make allowances for even the simplest human interactions, unable to drive to the grocery store without a purse full of earmuffs, nuts, and tissues soaked in soothing aromatherapy oils.

I don't think this is true, nor do I think it's very flattering. Other people have mentioned giving this book to their extrovert friends so that they can understand them better. I would be horrified if anyone I knew thought of me this way. So, to sum up, if you think you're an introvert, you might want to read this book for the a-ha moments, of which there are many.

Don't, however, expect it to be a life-changing explanation of who you are or how you should act. View all 6 comments. Jan 27, Nikki rated it did not like it Shelves: As if anyone else would be reading this book. Then she blathers on about romantic relationships between innies and outies hate those terms, by the way.

Is this kindergarten? Then she just blathers. Seriously, none of this was helpful. But what extrovert is likely to pick up a book called The Introvert Advantage? Also, the subtitle, How to Thrive in an Extrovert World , is a complete joke. None of her advice will help you thrive. It might help you survive , but that's totally different.

Aug 10, Peace rated it it was amazing. Things I learned from this book: Feb 27, Shannon rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: If you don't know me, you may not realize how momentous it is for me to not only read a non-fiction book, but give it five stars. My friend, Mikkee, recommended this book and I am so glad I read it.

I've always been an introvert, but I think as I've aged, I've become more aware of how this makes me feel and how my needs are different because of it. For a non-fiction book, it was very readable, which is what pushed it from four stars to five for me. While the author has a doctorate in psychology, If you don't know me, you may not realize how momentous it is for me to not only read a non-fiction book, but give it five stars.

While the author has a doctorate in psychology, she didn't talk over my head although there was one chapter on mind mapping that left me feeling slightly stupid. A few of the other things I liked about this book: I am self-reflective if you haven't noticed! It also made me realize I need to affirm the introverted qualities in my daughter who is one and in my daughter who is a bit of both introvert and extrovert.

One of my favorites was that extroverts are like solar panels, who soak up energy from being around others.

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Introverts are like rechargeable batteries that need to sit on their charger preferably at home in order to refuel. If you know or love an introvert, or suspect you have an introverted child, I really recommend you read this book. It's a super easy, quick read and will give you a better understanding of what it means to be introverted. Jan 19, Candace Morris rated it really liked it. I seriously want to buy this book for every single introvert I know.

After that, I want to buy this book for every single extrovert I know. Truth is, this book has treated a topic that is seriously underrated and has been the source of my anxiety for many, many years. Laney throws into this book. For instance: Introverts are outnumbered 3: Introverts live longer than Extroverts. Introversion has been directly linked to intelligen I seriously want to buy this book for every single introvert I know.

Introversion has been directly linked to intelligence. Introverts loose their words more easily, dislike eye-contact, and shirk when required to engage in "small talk. Introverts are not usually shy and do not lack social skills. Introverts can only recharge by decreasing their stimulation and through tranquil, nonsocial solitude.

Introverts often live under immense anxiety because they and their world expect them to act like extroverts spontaneous, outgoing, gregarious , and when they can't, they shame themselves and create immense internal angst. Introverts "chew" on things longer than extroverts, so what seems like obsession to an extrovert is actually the natural internal dialogue of an introvert.

Introverts need to express themselves more than they do; repression is their natural bent and a dangerous one. Introverts are almost incapable of spontaneity.

There are two kinds of introverts; left-brained and right-brained. The right-brained introvert can often mistake himself for an extrovert. Introverts have less children. Introverts have higher metabolisms because their life takes much more energy and therefore are prone to hypoglycemia and need to eat every few hours. In realizing that many of my problems with anxiety and depression have come from my shamefaced introvert trying to act as if she were an extrovert, I have found much release and understanding of myself.

There are a few chapters that are very self-help focused to the introvert how to meet people, dating, etc , but in her more soulful, philosophical chapters, there are so many gems of advise and understanding. As I read these, I saw the knot in my belly finally begin to unwind after 15 years of clenching.

The chapter "Nurture your Nature," was particularly helpful. I borrowed this book from my local library, but will be buying it as soon as I find a cheap, used copy and this is where I plug used books The book also has tests for introversion if you are unaware of your specific bent, and if you have any suspicion or hunch that you, your spouse, your friend, or your child is introverted, this book will seriously enlighten those relationships.

View all 4 comments. Jun 22, Katie rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: The cover's loud proclamation that the book was filled with "Aha Moments" is no joke! For me, the introvert, I now have a better understanding of what it means to be an introvert and how being an introvert effects every aspect of my life. It's all about energy -- introverts need to conserve energy while extroverts need to expend energy.

Even our brains are wired differently. I couldn't believe some of the examples in the book. In one, the author stated that introverts have the tendency to dread returning merchandise.

I've never understood why I absolutely hate the act, but now I do you'll have to read the book to find out! I highly recommend this for all introverts, so they can better understand themselves and know that they aren't weird -- they are actually quite normal in this extroverted world. I also highly recommend that extroverts read this to better understand their introverted friends and better manage their expectations of their introverted friends. I would give this ten stars if I could! View 2 comments.

Feb 25, Virginia Messina rated it liked it Shelves: Laney is a librarian turned psychologist who is herself an introvert. Despite the title, she focuses very little on the actual advantages of being an introvert. Instead, most of the book focuses on coping skills for introverts who must navigate a world that values extrovert qualities. Her writing style is perky—lots of bullet points and lists—and there is a fair amount of fluff.

Most of the coping techniques she shares are beyond obvious and some of them are touchy-feely-icky. Nothing earth-shattering here, but I think most introverts would find it worth a quick skim. Jul 31, Melody rated it did not like it. I'm somewhere between E and I on the spectrum, and I have friends at both extreme ends, so I thought this would be an interesting and valuable book. I hoped it would, more like. But alas, it was not. The author lost me along about the time she started prattling on about "Hap Hits" which are things that increase a person's happiness or energy levels.

The very term made me snort derisively, as did much of the rest of the book. I can see that there's perhaps some valuable information here, buried un I'm somewhere between E and I on the spectrum, and I have friends at both extreme ends, so I thought this would be an interesting and valuable book.

I can see that there's perhaps some valuable information here, buried under a flurry of pop psychobabble and self-quizzlettes, but I kept looking up from this book thinking I was trapped in a waiting room with a stale copy of Cosmopolitan.

Superficial, light, feel-good twaddle, that's my verdict. You're good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it Bah, humbug. View 1 comment. Sep 24, Lotte rated it liked it. However, it is a fairly quick read for its length and I am glad I stuck with it. The physiological explanations were new to me, and several times throughout the book, I discovered traits I didn't know were connected with introversion.

From reading other comments on goodreads, it appears that the book attracts mostly introverts as readers. I find this unfortunate, as anyone who is more extroverted would probably find this a valuable read if they suspect they have an introverted boss, spouse, child, friend, roommate, etc.

Mar 03, Raoofa Ibrahim rated it really liked it. So, if you're an extrovert, read this book to know who around you is introvert, and if you're introvert, it's good to know your self more and not to feel like you don't fit in or worse you feel that something is wrong with you!

I have an extrovert friend, who didn't read any books about introverts but she understands me.. Introverts want to have a good time , but they can't have it around a lot of people, so, if your friend understands that, it's a great relief to the introvert! View all 5 comments. Oct 22, Wendy rated it liked it Shelves: I could pretty much sum this book up in one sentence: I enjoyed reading the defining characteristics of classic introverts and extroverts; it actually made me realize that my introversion explains a lot more about me than I would have originally thought.

Who would have guessed that my dislike for chatting on the phone is a c I could pretty much sum this book up in one sentence: Who would have guessed that my dislike for chatting on the phone is a classic introvert trait? Or that, like me, most introverts function best with naps and frequent snacks? I would have never guessed that my emotional nature is common along introverts.

Or that the reason I rethink how I approached a situation or what I should have said differently is likely because I'm an introvert. And that introverts are known for not being good at making split-second decisions. You get the point. Most of this tips are things that, if you have been successful enough in life to find yourself able to read this book, you likely already know, do, or don't personally need.

All in all, it was a nice reminder that I'm just fine the way I was made and that just because I may be in the minority of our population, I can still be happy and successful.

View all 3 comments. Jul 03, Nicole rated it really liked it. I read this for a second time recently, and it was a great reminder of some things about myself that I had forgotten. A word about the target audience for this book. If you are generally a nice person but occasionally get called "anti-social" because of your preference to spend your free time alone or with a tiny group of people rather than socializing at large group events, you might find something of interest here.

If you are in a relationship with or have at some point been offended by someone I read this for a second time recently, and it was a great reminder of some things about myself that I had forgotten. If you are in a relationship with or have at some point been offended by someone who fits that description, you might also find something of interest here.

Laney uses the concept of "refueling" to explain the definitions of "introvert" and "extrovert". Introverts are people who regain their supply of energy with quiet time in their own heads. Extroverts are people who are energized by the outside world and by interactions with other people. Before picking up this book, one should keep in mind that the title is a bit misleading.

Granted, she mentions a few advantages like self-reflection, but she spends a lot more time calling out the ways in which introverts fall short of society's standards of social interaction. This is not necessarily a bad thing, and I'll come back to that later. Fortunately, the sub-title of the book, "How to Thrive in an Extrovert World" is entirely accurate, so there are some invaluable takeaways. Laney contrasts the characteristics of introverts versus those of extroverts as they apply to brain chemistry yes, there are physiological differences between the two , romantic relationships, parenting, socializing, and working.

The last part of the book focuses on taking the knowledge imparted in the first part of the book and turning it into productive action in the form of coping strategies and tactics.

Many of the tips are geared toward helping introverts communicate their differences and needs to the people around them. As someone who got a 27 out of 29 on the Self-Assessment for Introvertedness, I found this book to be reassuring. The message is: It's because you're in a minority, as far as temperament goes, and sometimes it kind of sucks. No, you can't change it.

But there are things you can do to acknowledge it and work with it and still have a fulfilling life that doesn't overwhelm you or alienate your friends. If it speaks to you, it probably wouldn't hurt to read this book. Jan 17, Victoria rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: Introverts and extroverts who love them. Every once in a while I come across a book that significantly alters my perspective, and very rarely, even changes my life. The Introvert Advantage is one of these rare gems.

It explained me to me! All of the weird things I do, how I get tired in crowds, how I dread going out, and will avoid social events if I can. I'm always the first person to leave the party!

How small talk is a sincere struggle for me, but bring up a topic I'm interested in and I'll talk your ear off. It's amazing the gift t Every once in a while I come across a book that significantly alters my perspective, and very rarely, even changes my life. It's amazing the gift this book has given me and the people I love, because now I have the tools to explain me to them!

Loved it, loved it, loved it. Apr 25, Sheridan rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: I scrapbook with a group of wonderful girls. One time Christine brought this book. We took the quiz and all but one of us are introverts.

It was fun to realize that about each other and maybe it is why we all get along so well, we can understand each other. One of my Aha moments, was I hate to make phone calls. Apparently this is a situation many introverts face. It made me feel less weird. You can take the test yourself at mypersonality. It was wonderful to read. It has helped me to understand more about myself and also my son who is an introvert as well.

So I recommend The Introvert Advantage to any introvert, or anyone who deals with an introvert on a frequent basis family member, colleague Some of my other favorite personality books are Nurture by Nature and MotherStyles , both parenting books.

I think understanding your personality style and those around you can help you in your relationships. Jul 31, Laura Kyahgirl rated it really liked it Shelves: I really enjoyed the first part of the book where Dr. Laney talks about what introverts are like. It was pretty funny. Or maybe I only thought it was funny because I could see so much of myself in there??

Its strange to hear that introverts are often likened to tortoises and conn 3. Its strange to hear that introverts are often likened to tortoises and connect that to my unfortunate childhood nickname, 'Torta'.

My main reason for reading this book was to expand my parenting skills. Since my son is even more introverted than me, it seemed like a good idea to get some more 'book learning' on the subject. Having grown up as an Introvert in a large, noisy, extroverted family, I am well aware of how it 'shouldn't' go.

The parenting section of this book was good and well worth the time. This isn't a book that needs to be read cover to cover, and, in fact, I pretty much skipped the dating and goal setting sections.

That being said, there was a lot of information in there that would helpful to someone who hasn't read any much in the way of personal development books. All in all, a good book with a good section of references for anyone who wants to read more in the various subject areas. Apr 06, Aman rated it liked it.

Aug 10, Angela rated it really liked it. It's longer than it needs to be, and her examples are so out of date that they're sometimes comical, but it's absolutely, positively worth the read. If you are an introvert, this book explains the physiology behind why you think the way you do. It also provides strategies for "surviving" in a world that values extroversion over reserve. Nov 24, Lindsay Nixon rated it it was amazing.

The science and biology part was fascinating, the tips helpful, and I have a better understanding of how to more peacefully and productively co-exists with friends, family, and co-workers! Jan 19, Heather rated it really liked it. It's weird when you find a book that explains so much about you in such weird but spot-on detail. For example: Or, because of their different thinking style, they may state the middle of their idea or just the final thought.

After they realize that what they have said doesn't fit with the timing of the group or is a little confusing to people, they often conclude that they don't express themselves well and may stop talking altogether. Of course, in classic introvert fashion, it has been really important to have a lot of alone time to do this thinking, meaning there are lots of people I know who probably think I've died.

Inside the book, the first section is about what being an introvert means, from behaviors to brain chemistry introverts have thoughts that take "the long way around" the brain ; the second section focuses on trouble spots introverts may encounter, from dating to the workplace; the third section has helpful tips on how an introvert can still get what they need in an extrovert society. What is particularly frustrating for me currently is that I am in a workplace situation that has a negative view of introversion.

Because the few introverts who work there don't get a lot of downtime to mull over the sensory overload we experience every day, we can't recharge, our communication may suffer, and then we have a hard time explaining ourselves in an office culture and societal culture, really that doesn't get it.

Ultimately, I think I'm learning about myself from this book, which will hopefully enable me to make life choices that will work for me, instead of trying to make the best of one bad situation after another. Aug 03, Minna rated it really liked it Recommends it for: Everyone who think they are or think they know an introvert.

I'm well aware that I'm introverted. I have family members who are both innies and outies, and the differences between the two types have always been obvious. I have always preferred reading or hanging out with one or two friends to parties and meeting strangers.

The thing I've never did connect were the dots between personality type, energy levels and some of my quirks that seemingly had nothing to do with introversion.

Some might think that it is impossible to not know what temperament you hav I'm well aware that I'm introverted. Some might think that it is impossible to not know what temperament you have, but I have a friend who was told as a child that she was extroverted but has started to doubt the definition.

The reason people thought that she was extroverted was that she was good with people, she grew up in a big family with lots of siblings and relatives who often visited and she is quite comfortable around crowds for some time.

Tia Maginni, who must have ESP to be able to decode the arrows, cross-outs, and smudged ink on the manuscript. Thank you to all those at Workman Publishing, for laboring until the book was born. A special thank-you to all those introverts I interviewed for this book. I would also like to thank all the dedicated scientists and researchers in the many fields who strive to help all of us to understand the simply complex humans we are.

Growing up, I was often puzzled about myself. I was full of confusing contradictions. An odd duck. I did so poorly in first and second grade that my teachers wanted me to repeat, yet in third grade I did very well. Sometimes I was very animated and talkative, making crisp, informed comments.

Other times I wanted to speak, but my mind was blank. Or I would think of something to say in class, raise my hand—thrilled that I might improve the 25 percent of my grade that was based on class participation—but when I was called on, my comment would disappear into thin air.

My internal screen would go dark. I wanted to crawl under my desk. Then there were the times when my remarks would come out in some halting, unclear form, making me sound much less knowledgeable than I was.

Confusing me further was that when I did express myself out loud, people often told me I was well spoken and concise. Other times my classmates treated me as if I were mentally disabled. The way my brain worked puzzled me.

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They seemed to think I was purposely withholding my thoughts and feelings. I found my thoughts were like lost airline baggage; they arrived some time later. As I grew up, I began to think of myself as a stealth person, running silent, deep, and invisible.

Many times I would say something, and no one would respond. Later, another person might say the same thing and he or she would be acknowledged. I would think there was something wrong with the way I spoke. At other times, when people heard me speak or read something I wrote, they would look at me with a stunned expression. It happened so many times that the look had become very familiar to me.

It seemed to say, You wrote this? I felt mixed about this reaction because I liked being acknowledged but I also felt overwhelmed by the attention. Socializing was also a confusing experience. I enjoyed people, and people seemed to like me, but I often dreaded going out.

I would go back and forth deciding whether to show up at a party or public event. I concluded I was a social chicken. Sometimes I felt awkward and uncomfortable; at other times I felt okay.

Even when I was having a wonderful time, I was eyeing the door and fantasizing about snuggling in bed in my pajamas. Another source of pain and frustration was my low energy. I got fatigued easily. When I was tired, I walked slowly, ate slowly, and talked slowly, with lots of agonizing gaps in my conversation. On the other hand, if I was rested, I could chat so fast, jumping from thought to thought, that the people I was with may have felt blitzed.

In fact, some people thought I had a lot of energy. Yet even with my slow pace I trudged along until I ended up accomplishing most of what I wanted with my life.

The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney

It took me years to discover that all of my puzzling contradictions actually made sense. I was a normal introvert. This discovery brought me such relief! Remember when we were kids and compared belly buttons? Back then it was considered better to be in innie than an outie. Nobody wanted a belly button that stuck out , so I was glad mine went in. Later, when innie came to mean introvert in my mind, and outie came to mean extrovert, it was the opposite.

Extrovert was good.

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Introvert was bad. Why did I feel overwhelmed in environments that thrilled other people? Why did I come away from outside activities feeling as if I were gasping for air? Why did I feel like a fish out of water?

Our culture values and rewards the qualities of extroverts. America was built on rugged individualism and the importance of citizens speaking their minds. We value action, speed, competition, and drive. We live in a culture that has a negative attitude about reflection and solitude.

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Getting out there and just doing it are the ideals. In his book The Pursuit of Happiness , social psychologist Dr. David Myers claimed that happiness is a matter of possessing three traits: Myers based his conclusions on studies that prove extroverts are happier. But they are not asked their reaction to these statements.

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An extrovert must have developed these studies. Somehow introverts have failed to achieve appropriate socialization. They are doomed to isolated unhappiness. In their book Type Talk , they discuss the plight of the introvert: Introverts are outnumbered about three to one. The introvert is pressured daily, almost from the moment of awakening, to respond and conform to the outer world. I think the playing field of life needs to be evened out a little.

Extroverts get most of the good press. We are ripe for a cultural shift toward the okayness of introversion. We need to appreciate our own shape as it is.

This book aims to help us do this. In it you will learn three basic things: Although I enjoyed many aspects of being a librarian, I wanted to work on a more personal level with people. Facilitating individual growth and development to help others live more satisfying lives felt like a gratifying life purpose for me.

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In graduate school, I learned about the phenomena of introversion as a distinct temperament or style for the second time. As part of my coursework, I took a few personality tests, and, on several of them, I came out as an introvert. I was surprised. When my professors discussed the results, they explained that introversion and extroversion are on opposite ends of an energy continuum. Where we fall on that continuum predicts how we derive our life energy.

People on the more introverted end of the continuum focus inward to gain energy. People on the more extroverted end of the continuum focus outward to gain energy. This fundamental difference in focus can be seen in practically everything we do.

My professors emphasized the positive aspects of each temperament and made it clear that each was okay—just different. The concept of different energy requirements clicked with me. I began to understand my need to be alone to recharge my batteries. It finally dawned on me that nothing was wrong with me; I was just introverted.

As I became informed about the strengths and weaknesses of introverts, I felt less ashamed. When I learned the ratio of extroverts to introverts—three to one—I realized I lived in a world structured for all those outies.

No wonder I felt like a fish out of water. I was living in a sea of extroverts! I also began to have insights into why I hated the large staff meetings I was required to attend every Wednesday evening at the counseling center where I was an intern. I understood why I rarely spoke in group supervision, and why my mind would often vapor lock whenever I was in a room with more than a few people. He thought introversion and extroversion were like two chemicals: When they are combined, each can be transformed by the other.

He also saw this as a natural built-in way for us to appreciate complementary qualities in one another. I remember when the two of us went to Las Vegas after we were first married. I staggered through the casino, my brain numbed. Colors danced everywhere, and lights exploded in my eyes. I kept asking Mike, How much farther is it to the elevator? They do that tricky thing in Las Vegas, making you walk through a maze of shiny machines, misted in cigarette smoke, to get to the elevator and the quiet oasis of your room.

My husband, the extrovert, was ready to rock and roll. His cheeks were rosy, and his eyes sparkled—all the noise and action excited him. I was pea green and felt like a trout I once saw lying on a bed of crushed ice in a fish market. At least the trout got to lie down. Later, when I woke up from my nap, I was surrounded by two hundred silver dollars Mike had won. Obviously, extroverts have many charms. And they are a good balance for us introverted types. They help us go out and about.

We help them slow down. One afternoon, Julia, an introverted client, and I were brainstorming about how she could manage an upcoming training workshop.

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I am dreading it, she told me. We developed several strategies to help her get through it, and, as she got up to leave, she lowered her head and looked me intently in the eye. I still hate schmoozing, you know, she said.

As if she thought I expected her to be a social butterfly. I know, I said, I still hate it myself. We sighed together in a knowing way.

As I closed my office door, I thought about my own struggle with introversion. I would think, Oh, I wish they realized that nothing is wrong with them. They are just introverted. Her eyes widened in surprise. Why do you think that? Then I explained that introversion is a collection of traits that we are born with. She looked so relieved. They thought of it in terms of pathology, not temperament.